But here it is, finally! Introducing the Can't Miss No More V2.153A26 , 21st Century hammer.
That's right thanks to its built in laser, you have no excuse to bang your fingers no more! Suddenly, hammering away becomes a child play.
A good example of a good time to use one of our cutting edge hammer
Pic from Claude Serre's album Le bricolage, France Loisirs 1984
Disclaimers for the OSHA police and as required by morons who like to sue others:
- Not suitable for young children under the age of 3 years old, their little hands are still too small.
- Not suitable for driving screws, so don't even try. You could however use it to bash cheap (or is that cheep :-) Robertson's imitations.
- Repeated usage can cause deafness or blindness and in extreme cases, even death, but don't let that scare you, it is just the usual cautionary tales (?)
- Leave in your spouse's hands at your own risks. Refer to previous warning. Especially when she found out how much you pay for this piece of... fine engineering.
- Do not operate hammer when under the influence of any intoxicating agents or giggling uncontrollably. If you see two beams, you may hit your hands if you look at the wrong beam.
- Do not look directly into the beam, there is nothing to see but nothingness, go get a life instead.
- Contains lead acid battery, swallow at your own risks... If you must...
- Caution hammers have been known to fly off the handle without any warnings, approach and handle with care.
- Hitting fingers repetitively is not a substitute for proper pain control, although it WILL make you forget about that other pain you had inflicted earlier when the hammer struck your head.
Cutting edge Tool's development and testing
can gives you headache too
- Always read and forget all instructions that came with your new tool, if you cannot operate a hammer, perhaps you should try something less taxing...
- And don't forget to wear these important piece of safety equipment's:
Safety blindfold and kevlar open-toes sandals
OK with all the required legalized stuff out of the way, lets get into it.
Your new to you hammer comes with a rubber clown handle which is guaranteed not to break... ? Go ahead, just try, I dare you!
(Warranty void if broke)
To turn on the laser, push, pull, slide, lift, snap down the switch. Swearing a little has been reported to help to turn the %#$@& thing on.
No need to turn it off, it will do so automatically upon impact.
Before using for the first time, you should calibrate your laser pointer.
Notice where the dot is pointing and try to hit it. Hours of fun for you and your cats. You may required some adjustments to get it just right. The industrial grade duct tape provided to attach your pointer to the hammer is removable to help adjust the aim of it. Try not to get it stuck to your fingers, it is very sticky, in fact it can be used as a waxing substitute. But try on someone else first...
Behold the hammer of the 21st Century
Some assembly required...
Inside the box you will find: Hammer head, laser pointer, piece of real "rubber" wood, piece of hi-tech sticky shit, glue, band aids and unreadable instructions. (Bottle of Aspirins not included).
In addition some or all of these tools may be required to put it together.
Some of the tools you will need
Oh, and one of those. Whatever that is...
Don't forget to memorized the 911 phone number for your area and put it on speed dial before starting.
Calibration could not be easier. Just aim the beam and try to whack the red beam. You may ask cats for advice on how best to proceed.
Our product testers hard at work
You could check with your dog but chance are, he will just take off with it to chew on it.... just saying.
HINT: Experience in the game of Whack-A-Mole would be an asset
Training accessories not included
but available for large sums of money
Once calibrated, your hammering days just got easier and your bank account lighter. What more could you ask?
Note that this model, due to the sophisticated onboard circuitry, is not cordless.
Indeed, you must supply a source of 550 Volts 3 phases, 50A and a suitable receptacle for our "one of a kind", can't find it anywhere else, plug.
(Available separately for a ransom price)
Hi-Voltage tickle. There, you been warned! Do not operate while Taking a bath. It would really tickle...
We have a cordless model in the work, but we have a few issues left to work out prior to a release of the product.
We have an unexplained high failure rate on the solar cell,
which power the onboard Telsa Hi-Voltage generator.
To purchase this products and other bright ideas just send cash in an envelope...
How much you ask? Just stuff the envelope and seal properly.
Hair's brain 21st century products
1 April Dr.
Oh, and YES, Happy April fool's day :-)
No 2 in an ongoing series
Bob, trying to keep his moral up